Pistachios and Puppies: Spaghetti

Have you ever made pasta? You know what, it's hard. It ain't easy. So below you will find instructions on how to make spaghetti. FROM SCRATCH. No boxes here kids.

How to Make Spaghetti (with pictures!)

First, make sure you kitchen space is clean.

As you can see... my space was not very clean.

Ok, to be honest, I didn't even clean it. I just stacked everything in the sink. But you SHOULD, ok?

Next, pour some oil in a sauce pan, and heat it up. You want the oil to be hot before you add the onions and garlic. Why? Because you want them to sizzle. That's why.

You want to throw the onions and garlic and let them sweat. You know, until they look translucent-y. I used half an onion and three cloves of garlic.

Once your onions and garlic are smelling fabulous, add some burger meat. I used about 2 lbs. I also used leftover hamburger meat we had leftover, so it already had onion and spices in it (which is why I only cooked half an onion... I would usually use a whole one).

Mix that wonderful stuff around for a while until it's cooked. Whoa this is hard stuff, are you keeping up?

Good, good.

Then you get to add whatever you want. It's like a bolognese party.

Welcome to my meat sauce party.

(1/2 cup red wine, basil, tablespoon oregano, three bay leaves, handful of mushrooms, can of tomato paste, can of stewed tomatoes, red pepper flakes)

It's party time!

Speaking of party time, don't forget, wine is not just for cooking. This is an adventure! Drinking and cooking simultaneously is a great idea!

My mom is proud.

Sometimes, when making sauce in such an unorganized matter, you realize that your sauce doesn't look tomato-y enough. It's a great meat sauce party and all... but it could be better. Imagine a party that didn't have enough beer, it just needs more.

So I like my sauce tomato-y. Hence the more tomato. Tomato = more beer at the meat sauce party.

I'll try and stop with the metaphors.

Anyways so then you're left with a delicious, tomato-y, slightly spicy sauce.

Yum.

And that just sits. And simmers in all it's greatness.

Then we get to the pasta.

And now you're asking yourself, "Why Jessica, would you make fresh pasta instead of using the box kind? It only cost $0.99 a box at HEB?"

Because it's better that's why. You think Italians buy boxed pasta? NO!

Am I Italian? No. But. I would like to cook like one.

There are only three ingredients in your basic pasta recipe: Flour. Eggs. Tiny pinch of salt.

Apparently, it's better to use unbleached flour. Or bleached flour. Or all purpose. Or whole wheat. Whatever. Everyone has a different opinion on what kind of flour to use. Just don't use bread flour, because, it's pasta. Not bread. Duh.

I used half wheat flour, half all-purpose. One cup of each. And you build a fort with it.

Ok so it's hard to get a picture of a good flour fort. Put a pile of flour on your board, put your finger in the middle, and move it around like a circle. Whoooo flour fort!

In the middle of the fort, add three eggs.

If you then realize that your fort isn't big enough... stick your finger in the middle and make it bigger. And by bigger... I mean wider. Don't add more flour.

Yet.

Then swish around the eggs slowly with a fork, slowly bringing the flour and eggs together in a happy marriage where the kid should be pasta dough.

This is what happens when you swish too hard with your fork. You must BE GENTLE.

Never fear, not all is lost, if this happens to you, just remember that you are a CHAMPION! Pasta is easy! Add another egg and just mix it with your hands! Piece of cake!

Or not. Maybe hands don't work so well. Maybe the dough is too sticky and we should just switch to boxed pasta. Homemade pasta is for the Italians...

Sike. Add some flour if it's sticky. Knead it. IT'LL WORK DO IT.

Trust me.

Congratulations. This is pasta dough. Separate it into three equally sized balls. Or you know, two medium sized one and a big one... whatever.

Now, the thing to do... is check on your sauce. Stir it up some. Taste it, make sure it's amazing.

Then, let your dough rest, for 10, 15 minutes.

This is a good time to clean up the egg that escaped the flour fort.

And to set up your pasta station. Pasta takes up a lot of space, so if you have a small kitchen (like me) I recommend doing it on your dining room table.

Ta-da! My pasta maker is an attachment on my kitchenaid, but you can obviously use normal ones too. You need to flatten the pasta, and then spaghetti-ify it.

I love making up words.

Flattener. Spaghetti-ifier. BAM.

After your dough is fully rested and your egg mess is cleaned up... put the pasta dough through the flattener. Do it a few times until it's thick/thin enough, looks smooth, you know, like something edible.